not much days left to stand up to. 15 days. mammoth task ahead. so frightening that i nowadays waking from sleep can not summon the strength to get up and get it going. i am a defeatist at times. in the face of trouble i most often turn action-less, lost in nowhere.
there is so many things wrong with me. i savor victory so much that most often the consequence turns into a big loss.like the power exams of this term.somehow i managed to secure good marks in the first class test. and so i didnt study for the second one thinking i could manage by doing good in the coming two class tests left. so it was an easy question.all got good grades. then in the third class test came. and oh my god, the test was so difficult that i almost got zero. therefore with a head start i fall back from the herd.again lost and afraid to take the risk to confront.
i wasnt this coward for my whole life.i used to be a very bright and intelligent person from school and college.always being the one to catch all the glory. the one who gets all the attention and the one makes the day. perhaps then i got a bit over confident. i started thinking no matter what i do, how bad i become people will still love,admire and respect me for what i have already accomplished.
but life changes fast. and the stages around changes even faster. like i read today the quote " it is what not what you did,but what you can do matters the most"
anyway, i will try my best to be the one again. will let you know tommorow, whether i utilized my day or wasted it like the others.if the loser with back in the walls could put a last fight or not. you will know soon.
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