fighting back

it is always tough for the weak to get going when the going gets tough.am i weak? that's the question i constantly cant figure out. time is running so quickly.feels like yesterday i started on this project and today its a hell lot of days on the calender but very little improvement on the action.

feels bad to be inactive. i miss the satisfied sleep after a day's hard work. i miss them a lot.

i need to get going. whether as a weakling or a tough. time to get it going.living in action.see you later.

Wondering in an unknown land

Wondering in an unknown land

I thought It would be nice to have a bit change in life, the day to day drudgery to end. Enjoying the martinet life in a bit lenient manner. Wonder away and think back.

Therefore sometime man needs to get away from his known abode. Go a far to observe himself in the true self. To find closure, to gain meaning of life from the meaningless daily proceedings.

And so I decided to leave home for couple of day. Reside in a place that I know not. I went to the hostel. A good friend of mine has lent me his place to crush. I study, sleep, make noise and what not. Away from the hustle and bustle of daily life. I enjoy the absence of internet, the freedom of not being connected to a greater and unknown me. Away from the lies that virtual life has piled in front. Beyond the caring of a comforting home, apart from the enticement of entertainment, I find peace.

I find peace in having nothing. The peace to find yourself in the truest form. No artificial intelligence being imposed on. The simple, the true me.

what you can do not what you did

not much days left to stand up to. 15 days. mammoth task ahead. so frightening that i nowadays waking from sleep can not summon the strength to get up and get it going. i am a defeatist at times. in the face of trouble i most often turn action-less, lost in nowhere.

there is so many  things wrong with me. i savor victory so much that most often the consequence turns into a big loss.like the power exams of this term.somehow i managed to secure good marks in the first class test. and so i didnt study for the second one thinking i could manage by doing good in the coming two class tests left. so it was an easy question.all got good grades. then in the third class test came. and oh my god, the test was so difficult that i almost got zero. therefore with a head start i fall back from the herd.again lost and afraid to take the risk to confront.

i wasnt this coward for my whole life.i used to be a very bright and intelligent person from school and college.always being the one to catch all the glory. the one who gets all the attention and the one makes the day. perhaps then i got a bit over confident. i started thinking no matter what i do, how bad i become people will still love,admire and respect me for what i have already accomplished.

but life changes fast. and the stages around changes even faster. like i read today the quote " it is what not what you did,but what you can do matters the most"

anyway, i will try my best to be the one again. will let you know tommorow, whether i utilized my day or wasted it like the others.if the loser with back in the walls could put a last fight or not. you will know soon.

darkness

yap.exam time is upon again. so much things to do right now in so little time. but it feels letting go.what happens if i dont do the study.if i dont read what i am supposed to do. going back in the face of danger,leaving idle,becoming passive when action is needed the most.

life is bothering these days. no rays of hope.just plane,raw and pure evil breeding like mushroom.